I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
