so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think I won the penis lottery.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
