its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
