Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I deserve this hangover.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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