Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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