shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The Olympian is in my bed
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
