TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
