Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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