hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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