I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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