I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Be still, my beating vagina.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
