she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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