okay pat passed out under dana's car
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I need water and some morals
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
