Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Randomize
