I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
