whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
