you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
What a dumb baby whore.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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