Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
