Moan for me like Helen Keller
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
