Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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