If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my shit smells like andre
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
