hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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