As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
