i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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