youre lurking in front of me
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
