sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
