3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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