Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
