Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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