I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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