We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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