You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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