I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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