Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
