and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
