He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
