So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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