There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
