He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
