1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
