There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
