Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
