But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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