Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
