The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
