Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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