I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
