speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
