but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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