It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
