she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
