I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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