So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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