I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
