shes about as inviting as chlamydia
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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