sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
