Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
