I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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