Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
