You smell like stripper and shame
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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