The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
