whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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