he puts the penis in happiness.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
