I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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