I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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