I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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