K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
