thus making me awesome and them whores
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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