did you get engaged???
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
